Taking a break!

All week I've had a bed full of laundry to put away... and it's still waiting for me. I wish I could just ::poof!:: it all away. It's been a week where I am totally not caring much for the toys on the floor, dishes in the sink, or clothes to fold and put away. It gets so redundant - same thing every week. Make the beds, sweep the floor, cook food, wash dishes, bathe the kids... eh, sometimes I feel like I don't have an ounce of energy left & then the kids are hungry... and then I'm cooking AGAIN. This stay at home mom thing is 24/7... what looks like a break usually isn't a break because there is always something to do when you're finished taking a nap (that comes once every few months btw) or when you've ignored the toys on the floor and dishes in the sink for too long.  I usually am always a "get it done type of gal," but this week was completely different. I took a "break" even though most of it was mental... since my house doesn't seem too untidy, the kids aren't too dirty, and my fridge has food that is already cooked and ready to be eaten! I guess sometimes it is okay for the laundry to stay unfolded and scattered on our bed... it reminds me that though sometimes I feel like a robot - completing task after task - I am human and can make the choice to ignore some of my stresses and just let it all be!

Ignoring a mess is usually a hard task for me... I love everything in order and I'm a bit OCD-ish. But this week - like I said, was different! The toys stayed longer on the floor, dishes weren't done on "auto-pilot" mode & I did not write down my To-do list for each day.  I felt incredibly unmotivated to get the ball rolling each day, but I knew that difficulty was short term! 

All that will change next week. Back to the daily to-do lists and the organized days where I challenge myself to get every single task done. It's better that way. As much as I'd love to be unproductive for a whole week at a time, it's definitely not as satisfying as having the dishes washed and put away and the laundry sorted and in their designated draws! I like a clean house... even though I have moments when I would prefer not to be the one cleaning it!

I can't "afford" this lifestyle.

I had just finished nursing Azalea and was on to finishing cutting up the veggies to make some vegetable soup & my little boy quickly climbed onto my lap as soon as Azalea got off. He snuggled up and said "hold me mommy... lets cuddle!" and started kissing me.

I am always in awe at how long it takes me to cook or get dressed or get out of the house, but the truth is, many of my tasks are halted mid-way for kisses and hugs, and loving these kiddies that are in my life.  I struggle to finish all the tasks on my to-do list because I have many different to-do's to complete along with my own... and they usually include making sure my little ones are fed, clean, and given ample attention throughout the day.  I feel like I do a million different things and its because many times I do, but at the end of the day, I can honestly say that I am living my dream... and there is nothing else I'd rather do.

My husband and I are not rich and there is not enough money in our bank account to say that we can "afford" this lifestyle of me being a stay at home mom, but I know that I cannot "afford" to miss out on these opportunities for hugs and kisses and laughs and all the moments that I get to share with these lives that I am responsible for.  I rather make the sacrifice of not saving for my retirement than it come at the cost of time spent with my children.  

There is no denying that if I was "working" today, I would have missed out on that opportunity to cuddle my Addi and to get his sweet kisses on my nose.  Either someone else would have received them or he wouldn't have expressed it at all.  The thought of that crushes me! Every time I cuddle him and his sister during the day, I'm reminded of how many other parents and children are missing out on the opportunity to do the same.  Many times, both parents NEED to work to meet the basic needs of their household, but those that don't HAVE to work, they should definitely weigh whether its worth the extra cash to miss out on the sweetest hugs and kisses they will EVER get in their lifetime! 

Confession: Lack of sleep

Somehow I always end up like a hot dog between Addi & Zali no matter how much space they have on the bed.  Addi comes close to cuddle... & Zali boo ALWAYS wants to nurse!  My "sleep" at night feels like I take numerous mini naps in the time span of 8 hours... I haven't sleep a full 3+ straight hours in MONTHS! ... and the last time was only one night out of the past 6-7 months. It's always been few and far in between since Zali boo was born.  

If there was anything I'd change about my experience with motherhood, it would entail me getting more rest.  My eyes are constantly burning & I always feel drained and exhausted even if I were to exercise.  I think I would need a week of straight sleep to recover from all this sleep deprivation & then "sleep" a minimum of 10 hours a night - meaning I'm IN bed for 10 hours.  

My body needs to be reprogrammed to love sleep... because even though I say I want it and I miss it, I feel like there is always so much to do so falling asleep ends up being a conscious decision 98% of the time!  I just want to be able to fall asleep whenever I am tired... THAT would be a luxury! 

Favorite Pictures

My life... I love it!

My daughter is 18 months old!

My little girl is 18 months old today. She has an obsession with shoes and likes when we say "oh soooo pretty!" after she gets ready. She also loves to put on girly hair clips & bows and sunglasses. She enjoys walking around the apartment with crayons in her hands and makes it her duty to cover our walls and kitchen cabinets with her "artwork." She hates coming out of the bathtub and likes to splash for at least 35-45+ minutes. She is a tough cookie & defends herself when Addi takes her toys and refuses to give up her toys to him. She gives the sweetest hugs & puckers up to kiss! She isn't a girl of many words (...not yet!) BUT she lets you know what she wants! She likes to twirl around and enjoys dancing with me. She will nurse all day if I'd let her - sometimes still 8-12x's in a 24 hour period. She is always warm and will kick off the covers @ night - every night! She wakes up with the craziest hair and looks like she's related to Albert Einstein. She has a sense of humor and often fakes her laughs & cries to get our attention & love. She's super sweet and likes to rock her tiny babies to sleep while humming "You are my Sunshine." I love her. Every little thing about her!!! <3

Bright hot pink shoes!

Azalea outgrew her favorite shoes and I'm trying my best to explain to her that they don't fit her anymore, but she's not hearing it. She opened her closet door, looked for them, and then stood there totally frustrated that she couldn't find them. Then, she starts yelling at the drawer that usually has her shoes in them and made the angriest of faces... quite dramatically!!!

She is obsessed with shoes and she's only a year and a half! She refuses to wear the other ones because apparently they're not as cool as her bright hot pink ones! I wonder what she would tell me if she could talk!