Sick days

Thinking about starting on dinner now... and doing every major task early on in my day because I'm not feeling too well. My "job" is truly 24/5. No sick days... no alternate child care... no opportunities to stay in bed when I really need to.... but somehow these kids are taken care of and fed... the house gets cleaned... and I get through my day. It totally helps when Ash gets home & helps in whatever way he can because on days like today, I really wish I had a nanny.

Homeschooling a kindergarten-er

I think Addi is going to appreciate his weekends a lot more now. No school work! This past week we started homeschooling (Kindergarten) & let me tell you, he is definitely looking forward to not having anything to do today. Hahaha. Not a bad week though. He's powering through the workbook but loathes practicing his penmanship. He'll get use to it soon, hopefully.

Little girls and make up!

Little girls are so enticed by their mom's makeup collection. I don't usually use A LOT of makeup, but my 21 month old daughter has seen me put on mascara and lip stain often enough that she knows my lip stain is for lips and my mascara is for eyes. She also tries putting it on for herself... and my heart just melts at her independence. I usually then pretend I'm putting some on for her & the smile that appears on her face is PRICELESS! I love all these mommy-daughter moments... they truly remind me that I am indeed the only example of a woman that she'll observe for the majority of her younger years. 

This is no easy role to fill - I have to be aware of the expression on my face as I stare at my reflection in the mirror and watch how I describe my body. I have to accept and love my own body, in spite of its imperfections, in hopes that she may not grow up to be critical of hers. I have to focus on exercise and eating nourishing foods because she will likely see those life choices as normal if they are a part of her everyday life. I have to show her what health entails... and how to maintain & encourage it. Apart from the make up and hairstyles, I want her to learn how to be a woman who is strong, healthy, confident, and accepting of who she is without any need for make up to make her feel beautiful. She should know she's the beautiful addition to make up and that make up is only enhanced by the beautiful woman it's on. 

I think of all these things as I see the innocence in her eyes and realize that I am showing her what life is all about. I am impacting her life in the tiniest of ways when doing my everyday tasks.  She is learning FROM ME... and I hope to teach her many things.

I love you, Zali boo! 

Nursing break

Today, Azalea went a whole 8 hours without nursing - she has never ever done that! She has never ever been away from me for that long either. It wasn't planned that I would be gone for so long, but I was... and when she saw me, she did a happy dance & gave me a bunch of kisses and then asked to nurse. I've spent the last 20+ months nursing her every 2-4 hours around the clock so today was definitely a milestone! :) I'm so glad she was fine without me. I'm also glad she didn't cry because she wanted to nurse or drove her grandparents crazy by refusing whatever they offered her. She ate and played very well... and I am sooooo thankful for that! 

Amazing body parts

This post is dedicated to the human reproductive system described by my four year old son, Adonai. He recently read the book "Amazing you" and his brain flooded with information about his body that he is delighted to share with me and the whole wide world.  My husband had to smile through a "hey daddy! you have testicles and it makes a lot of sperm, right?" moment in the middle of WALMART while shopping on a Saturday evening. It is hilarious hearing him speak so nonchalantly about his body parts especially when so many people (...even us adults!) cringe at the sound of each part's actual name.

This is a typical conversation during our days right now:

Addi: So mom, you have two ovaries & you have a lot of eggs, right? And daddy has testicles and a lot of sperm, RIGHT? ...and when the egg meets the sperm, Me and Zali was born...RIGHT MOM? And then your tummy squeezed me out because I was getting too big and I had a penis & Zali had a vagina...RIGHT MOM? 

I have a testicle & a scrotum! and I have a urethra and I urinate... and I have a penis, RIGHT MOM?!?

Nursing my daughter until age 7?

It's hard to imagine one day Azalea won't be nursing anymore.  She's been stuck on me from the day she was born and shows no signs of weaning just yet. I know some kids don't wean until 7 and I wonder if I'd nurse her for THAT long if she wanted.  I'm still undecided on that.. as much as Id want her to nurse for as long as she'd like, it will be a little weird nursing someone close to my same height... (since I didn't grow THAT much after age 8... LOL... I'm only 4'10")  oh man, the image of that made me laugh!

Sleepover for Addi

My little guy just called me and told me that he was spending the night at his grandparents.  He didn't even ask permission! He just told me! LOL! These little things show me how quickly we enter different stages in life... he was JUST a baby and now he's scheduling his own sleepovers! 

Kevin McCallister for a son!

oh my gosh, I have a little Kevin McCallister for a son! Talk about being an opinionated little boy... we're currently living out a scene of Home Alone in our car & I did not know that Kevin's character would be so much like my little guy's real life personality! :D

Stay at home mom rant...

*sighs* I have the best "job" in the world. I'm absolutely convinced of it.  A lot of parents yearn for free time away from their kiddos and here I am with mine day in and day out & I enjoy every second of it.  Granted, I am usually exhausted... and sometimes I can't shower until Ash walks through the door after work, but I can honestly say that I feel extremely fulfilled being a stay at home mom to my kids.  It's a stage in my life that I am giving my ALL... and giving your all feels great especially when it's to children, and even more awesome, when it's to your own.  I love my family & I enjoy the life I live with them... I am so grateful for all these blessings <3.

Our food budget

Lately I've been on a mission to eliminate the possibility of my family and I eating outside of our home as much as possible.  I'm talking NO RESTAURANTS, no fast food joints -(except Qdoba's because its our favorite!) - and no ordering IN!  Aside from health reasons, eating out at fast food restaurants adds up quickly and it can mean the difference of a couple hundred dollars extra a month that we spend on "food."

It may come as a surprise, but I've also been working on our monthly budget to see exactly how much money it takes to feed our family of four if we cook and bake everything (or almost everything) ourselves.  We are trying to cut costs, but our grocery bill always averages around $150 a week. Granted, we purchase a lot of organic items. In fact, mostly all of our items in the pantry are organic or GMO-free. All of our fruits and veggies are organic as well as well as our chicken.  Our ground beef is grass-fed organic and even our hot dogs are the organic & Nitrate and Nitrite free kind.  These are choices that we have made which we are not willing to compromise on though.  We would love to see our grocery bills lower, but its a small price to pay for food that is healthy. We shop at Trader Joes so the organic items are reasonably priced compared to all the other grocery stores we previously shopped at.  We know that if we continue to hold up the standard of buying organic, this is as nice as our bills will look for now.

Knowing that we spend close to $600 a month of groceries, we do not have the means to buy any food outside of our home.  Yea, we can always swipe our credit card, but currently that is not an option.

I have been cooking up a storm these past few weeks.  I planned a menu for the weeks ahead and I'm making sure to keep our fridge stocked with cooked foods.  Keeping the fridge stocked eliminates us from ordering in when don't want to cook. Every single day, I survey our fridge and the contents of our storage containers to see if I need to make more rice, pasta, beans, veggies, chicken, or whatever else we need replenishing to complete our meals. I also make it my duty to cook or bake EVERY SINGLE DAY.  It's extremely important to have food to munch on when hunger or craving strikes! I think that was our biggest downfall before... not having enough food readily available.

Now that I know what our plan is in terms of handling our food expenses, Ive been experimenting with new recipes and trying new techniques in the kitchen.  It is so much fun!!! I am loving baking the most; I think it's because my 4 year old son loves to help me measure all the ingredients and gets so giddy when we put our concoction in oven.  He has a lot of fun with helping me... and I enjoy his excitement and his bright eyes that take it all in. 

I might finally get around to adding some recipes I use in the next few weeks to this blog which will have my seal of approval. Hopefully I remember and I get around to it! :) 

Taking a break!

All week I've had a bed full of laundry to put away... and it's still waiting for me. I wish I could just ::poof!:: it all away. It's been a week where I am totally not caring much for the toys on the floor, dishes in the sink, or clothes to fold and put away. It gets so redundant - same thing every week. Make the beds, sweep the floor, cook food, wash dishes, bathe the kids... eh, sometimes I feel like I don't have an ounce of energy left & then the kids are hungry... and then I'm cooking AGAIN. This stay at home mom thing is 24/7... what looks like a break usually isn't a break because there is always something to do when you're finished taking a nap (that comes once every few months btw) or when you've ignored the toys on the floor and dishes in the sink for too long.  I usually am always a "get it done type of gal," but this week was completely different. I took a "break" even though most of it was mental... since my house doesn't seem too untidy, the kids aren't too dirty, and my fridge has food that is already cooked and ready to be eaten! I guess sometimes it is okay for the laundry to stay unfolded and scattered on our bed... it reminds me that though sometimes I feel like a robot - completing task after task - I am human and can make the choice to ignore some of my stresses and just let it all be!

Ignoring a mess is usually a hard task for me... I love everything in order and I'm a bit OCD-ish. But this week - like I said, was different! The toys stayed longer on the floor, dishes weren't done on "auto-pilot" mode & I did not write down my To-do list for each day.  I felt incredibly unmotivated to get the ball rolling each day, but I knew that difficulty was short term! 

All that will change next week. Back to the daily to-do lists and the organized days where I challenge myself to get every single task done. It's better that way. As much as I'd love to be unproductive for a whole week at a time, it's definitely not as satisfying as having the dishes washed and put away and the laundry sorted and in their designated draws! I like a clean house... even though I have moments when I would prefer not to be the one cleaning it!

I can't "afford" this lifestyle.

I had just finished nursing Azalea and was on to finishing cutting up the veggies to make some vegetable soup & my little boy quickly climbed onto my lap as soon as Azalea got off. He snuggled up and said "hold me mommy... lets cuddle!" and started kissing me.

I am always in awe at how long it takes me to cook or get dressed or get out of the house, but the truth is, many of my tasks are halted mid-way for kisses and hugs, and loving these kiddies that are in my life.  I struggle to finish all the tasks on my to-do list because I have many different to-do's to complete along with my own... and they usually include making sure my little ones are fed, clean, and given ample attention throughout the day.  I feel like I do a million different things and its because many times I do, but at the end of the day, I can honestly say that I am living my dream... and there is nothing else I'd rather do.

My husband and I are not rich and there is not enough money in our bank account to say that we can "afford" this lifestyle of me being a stay at home mom, but I know that I cannot "afford" to miss out on these opportunities for hugs and kisses and laughs and all the moments that I get to share with these lives that I am responsible for.  I rather make the sacrifice of not saving for my retirement than it come at the cost of time spent with my children.  

There is no denying that if I was "working" today, I would have missed out on that opportunity to cuddle my Addi and to get his sweet kisses on my nose.  Either someone else would have received them or he wouldn't have expressed it at all.  The thought of that crushes me! Every time I cuddle him and his sister during the day, I'm reminded of how many other parents and children are missing out on the opportunity to do the same.  Many times, both parents NEED to work to meet the basic needs of their household, but those that don't HAVE to work, they should definitely weigh whether its worth the extra cash to miss out on the sweetest hugs and kisses they will EVER get in their lifetime! 

Confession: Lack of sleep

Somehow I always end up like a hot dog between Addi & Zali no matter how much space they have on the bed.  Addi comes close to cuddle... & Zali boo ALWAYS wants to nurse!  My "sleep" at night feels like I take numerous mini naps in the time span of 8 hours... I haven't sleep a full 3+ straight hours in MONTHS! ... and the last time was only one night out of the past 6-7 months. It's always been few and far in between since Zali boo was born.  

If there was anything I'd change about my experience with motherhood, it would entail me getting more rest.  My eyes are constantly burning & I always feel drained and exhausted even if I were to exercise.  I think I would need a week of straight sleep to recover from all this sleep deprivation & then "sleep" a minimum of 10 hours a night - meaning I'm IN bed for 10 hours.  

My body needs to be reprogrammed to love sleep... because even though I say I want it and I miss it, I feel like there is always so much to do so falling asleep ends up being a conscious decision 98% of the time!  I just want to be able to fall asleep whenever I am tired... THAT would be a luxury! 

Favorite Pictures

My life... I love it!

My daughter is 18 months old!

My little girl is 18 months old today. She has an obsession with shoes and likes when we say "oh soooo pretty!" after she gets ready. She also loves to put on girly hair clips & bows and sunglasses. She enjoys walking around the apartment with crayons in her hands and makes it her duty to cover our walls and kitchen cabinets with her "artwork." She hates coming out of the bathtub and likes to splash for at least 35-45+ minutes. She is a tough cookie & defends herself when Addi takes her toys and refuses to give up her toys to him. She gives the sweetest hugs & puckers up to kiss! She isn't a girl of many words (...not yet!) BUT she lets you know what she wants! She likes to twirl around and enjoys dancing with me. She will nurse all day if I'd let her - sometimes still 8-12x's in a 24 hour period. She is always warm and will kick off the covers @ night - every night! She wakes up with the craziest hair and looks like she's related to Albert Einstein. She has a sense of humor and often fakes her laughs & cries to get our attention & love. She's super sweet and likes to rock her tiny babies to sleep while humming "You are my Sunshine." I love her. Every little thing about her!!! <3

Bright hot pink shoes!

Azalea outgrew her favorite shoes and I'm trying my best to explain to her that they don't fit her anymore, but she's not hearing it. She opened her closet door, looked for them, and then stood there totally frustrated that she couldn't find them. Then, she starts yelling at the drawer that usually has her shoes in them and made the angriest of faces... quite dramatically!!!

She is obsessed with shoes and she's only a year and a half! She refuses to wear the other ones because apparently they're not as cool as her bright hot pink ones! I wonder what she would tell me if she could talk!

"Yum!"

I've been nursing Zali boo on demand for about a year and a half so far & I just have to say that it really makes me giggle when she says "yum!" right before she starts nursing. Babies really do enjoy their mommy's milk! <3

Shopping for specifics!

I went out yesterday looking for some new clothes to add to my wardrobe. Ever since Zali boo entered my world, I have been limited to tops and dresses that button down or open somehow in the front because she still nurses every 2-4 hours and my attire has to accommodate for that. It is extremely stressful finding cute styles that have buttons (that actually button!) on them. However, today, I got a couple of new dresses and a cute top, plus size 5.5 wedges (<--- have you ever shopped for size 5's or 5.5 before? IT'S A PAIN!) Stylish and trendy women shoes usually start at 6 and usually you will only find size 5 in the higher priced shoe stores or in stores that order them as a "special size." I was so glad that I was able to buy some items because usually I walk out of the mall extremely frustrated that I didn't find anything yet again! Last week when I went to the mall, I didn't find any clothes, but I did stumble upon some size 5 flats at Nautica & it made my week! I bought 3 pairs without hesitation! I am definitely treating myself for my upcoming birthday. I turn 26 on May 8th & I usually only do shopping like this once a year so I'm enjoying every single bit of it!!! :)

Raising a boy into an independent man!

My son went to bed pretty early last night and woke up this morning before I woke up . When I opened my eyes, I saw him walking into our room, totally awake & acting quite independent. He realized he had to use the restroom so all independently, he walked into our bathroom, did what he had to do, then washed his hands... and dried them! Before he went in, he said "don't worry about me mommy, I'm just going to use the restroom!" He then informed me that his tummy was "empty" (he was hungry) so I got up off the bed to prepare him breakfast. As I walked into our living room, I couldn't help but notice that he had made himself quite comfortable watching Netflix on the rocking chair while I was asleep. He had a blanket and everything!

Today was one of the first insights I got of how he's going to be when he gets a little older. His level of independence is increasing at an astonishing rate. He likes doing a lot of tasks himself & requests that I "give him a little bit of privacy" at various points in our day.

There was a point where I wondered if he would continue to ask me to do EVERYTHING for him even at an older age, but lately he's giving me peeks into the future that his constant need for help and assistance,even when fully capable, is normal and a necessary part of the growing up process. I found it amusing how he would always say "Hey mom, you can do it! Can you do it for me?" Even when I tried my best to encourage him, and show him he could do it too, he always insisted that I should do it for him. In the back of my mind, I did have high hopes that one day he would want to do it for himself. It seems like more times than not now, he wants to figure out how to do things himself. I am ecstatic about that! It is a huge milestone!!!

I am so proud of him. My instincts told me not to force independence on him. I held off from comparing him to other kids his age since his daily environment is different from many. He has the privilege of having his mommy around ALL the time. He gets to whine and complain and I tend to him. A lot of kids have to develop skills to cope with being away from their mommies and daddies and Addi hasn't had to do that. He is confident that we will be there to "rescue" him and I do not think there is anything wrong with that. As he continues to grow, we will be doing less and less "rescuing" because we will be aware that sometimes he will need to figure out a way to rescue himself when mommy & daddy isn't around (but that will be when he is a bit older and knows the difference between incapability and FEAR).

Right now, our main focus is to raise a happy, contented, independent child. We want him to take his time growing up and enjoy every bit of his childhood. Hopefully, we can continue to raise him with wisdom so that when he is older, he will be sure of who he is and what he's about and what his purpose is in this journey called life.

To Addi:

May God continue to bless you and protect you, my son. You have a heart filled with love and it's so inspiring to see how you care for others. Your joyous smile and infectious laugh make me the happiest mom in the world because you are MY son and I thank God for you! You have changed my life for the better and continue to teach me how to love more, and care more, and forgive more. You are a blessing and I pray you continue to bless others the way your life has always blessed mine. When it comes to life, always give your best. Try harder. Dont give up or lose hope - ever. Dont underestimate how quickly feelings and people can change. Give your all in everything you do & when you think you've failed, remember that failure does not define you - persistence, perseverance and faith defines you. You are a child of God. There is nothing that you will encounter in this world that God cannot fix. Trust in Him in all you do & pray about everything!!! I love you!

- Mommy <3

My son's long hair!

I was telling Addi once again that we have to trim his hair & these were his exact words: "Trim my hair? But mommy, Im AMAZING Adonai!" LOL!

I think he thinks his hair is a superhero cape... because he DOES NOT want to cut it!