It's almost autumn and this particular season always stir up emotions within me that makes me want to cry, smile, and thank God for all that I have been blessed with. These memories remind me of the moments I hope to never forget for the rest of my life & the ones I wish to never remember. Both my babies were autumn-born babies. Adonai, my boy, was born on October 15th, 2008, and my little girl, Azalea, was born last year on November 4th.
The anticipation of giving birth, seeing my child's face for the first time and feeling so incredibly blessed are all the emotions that I try my best to recall. However, the reality I faced when I saw how much my body had changed, to feeling intense pain following a c-section, to experiencing the struggles of breastfeeding & sleep-deprivation are memories that rear it's not-so-pretty head as well. It's definitely a bittersweet season for me.
Seasonal changes often causes me to re-experience (due to the atmospheric changes) the life situations that occurred during that specific time the year and years before with the memories of those events.
Every fall season, I find myself so excited at the thought of celebrating my child's birthday... first it was only Addi's, but this year, I'll be celebrating both Addi's and Zali's. The anxiousness for their birth-date is often accompanied by all the memories I experienced during the weeks leading up to & immediately following their actual birth. Its excitement, vulnerability, and fear all rolled into one... and these feeling come alive with every cool autumn breeze that blows & the way the sun rises & sets during the fall season.
Am I the only woman who goes through this? Sometimes I wish my emotions weren't linked so closely to the type of weather changes I'm exposed to because I feel like I experience mood changes just because the weather bring me back to either a happy memory or a sad one.
Even though I experience these shifts in moods, I know that I have to be rational and accept that the bad experiences have made me stronger as a woman & mother and that I am no longer experiencing them! ... and this realization causes me to thank God for the blessings of life, health, laughter, joy, and the gift of family that make my life worthwhile!
This year, I plan on embracing this Autumn even more than I ever did before. My husband and I will be taking our kids pumpkin picking & I will be baking pies while sewing clothes and making girly hair accessories. I hope to put together a delicious, mouth-watering Thanksgiving menu & to have our home smelling of pumpkin, spices, and nutmeg! Im going to go all out so that I could recall all these
beautiful memories next year and hopefully feel absolute happiness at the memory of them <3
No comments:
Post a Comment